DAY 1 GAME-CHANGERS AWARENESS CHALLENGE, Journal Entry
Last night I thought my ‘new thing’ today would be Taking the 7 Day Vegan Challenge, but it turned out the NEW THING I did was send an email to someone who had compromised their integrity. Normally I would have just ignored it. Doing that, however, led to ANOTHER NEW THING: doing a QiGong meditation with my husband.
The QiGong meditation revealed a hidden belief I had been living: EAT to die, rather than EAT to live. No wonder my life had been such a challenge in the arena of food. I have learned and experimented with so many different systems of 'this is the right way to eat' in the past 45 years: Macrobiotics, Raw Food, Fit for Life, Eat Right for Your Blood Type, Vegetarian, Vegan, Eat Whatever you Want, and Ignore it All.
As the challenge is about Awareness, that is what I will journal about.
What was I aware of during the meditation that I am not normally aware of:
CONTINUED AWARENESS in DAY'S ACTIVITY:
While transcribing the Game-Changers lesson from last night, I was stopped in my tracks!
When I got to the part where LMN said just the two words "Something Different" I immediately stopped transcribing, go up and sat somewhere else, almost prone, and wondered why my heart was beating so fast.
The past came flooding back.........
My first husband and I opened a store called Something Different. He wanted someplace his kids could earn an income. It was a stupid store. I had my handmade things in the front of it…long denim wrap around skirts that NO ONE BUT ME wore, along with other handicrafts. The back of the store, however, was a head shop! No one was in agreement on what kind of store we should have; thus the name Something Different.
Women who came into to the store thinking it offered clothing then wandered to the back, sucked in a deep breath, and scurried out as fast as possible!
One night, as we were locking up, I put my guitar in its case, clicked it closed, and set my music books on top, deciding to leave it all in the store overnight. Inner voice said, “Now they will have it all" but I didn't even realize at that time that I had an "inner voice". It was just a fleeting thought that meant little to me.
That night the store was broken into and my guitar and music books were stolen. I lost what was most valuable to me at that time, but I never thought of it as something that had left a a debilitating effect in me. I would not have known it was there if I had not felt such trepidation when LMN focused on those two words: Something Different.
Besides stopping everything I was doing, I noticed I wanted wine. I wanted sugar. I wanted anything to take me away from how I was feeling: “Something Different creates unsolvable difficulties." No wonder I like routine: stay put, don't do anything different, don't change how you live. Otherwise, the results will be catastrophic.
But then I realized there was an even stronger message about my own self: I was something different.
I always had been, no matter how much I tried not to be.When I was 16, it was said of me I was going on 80. I felt like I never fit in, no matter how hard I tried.
So the message I needed awarenss of was, "If I am something different, I attract the loss of what I value. If I attract loss, then how am I worthy, as LMN insists we all are."
This was the great freedom from today's Awareness Challenge.....I can be different and still be worthy. I can do, live, and be something different and not lose what I value.
Last night I thought my ‘new thing’ today would be Taking the 7 Day Vegan Challenge, but it turned out the NEW THING I did was send an email to someone who had compromised their integrity. Normally I would have just ignored it. Doing that, however, led to ANOTHER NEW THING: doing a QiGong meditation with my husband.
The QiGong meditation revealed a hidden belief I had been living: EAT to die, rather than EAT to live. No wonder my life had been such a challenge in the arena of food. I have learned and experimented with so many different systems of 'this is the right way to eat' in the past 45 years: Macrobiotics, Raw Food, Fit for Life, Eat Right for Your Blood Type, Vegetarian, Vegan, Eat Whatever you Want, and Ignore it All.
As the challenge is about Awareness, that is what I will journal about.
What was I aware of during the meditation that I am not normally aware of:
- The love vibrations coming to me from husband sitting straight across from me on the couch were so strong that if I were not leaning against a wall I think I might have fallen over. I wondered if my own emanations of love could find their way through it all and out to others as we were being guided to do in the meditation
- Towards the end of meditation in the depth of the expanded unconditional love energy, 3 fingers on my right hand reached up and touched 3 vertebrae on my neck; I was aware no energy would not go in there…could not allow my own love to be there. Why? Because of injuries sustained in an accident 9 years ago.
- I was sad that my own love energies were rejected by the three vertebrae in my neck, but found they WOULD accept love energy from others, so felt it entering until something shifted, allowing my own love energy to then be accepted too; had something to do with my mother. Hmmmm......
CONTINUED AWARENESS in DAY'S ACTIVITY:
While transcribing the Game-Changers lesson from last night, I was stopped in my tracks!
When I got to the part where LMN said just the two words "Something Different" I immediately stopped transcribing, go up and sat somewhere else, almost prone, and wondered why my heart was beating so fast.
The past came flooding back.........
My first husband and I opened a store called Something Different. He wanted someplace his kids could earn an income. It was a stupid store. I had my handmade things in the front of it…long denim wrap around skirts that NO ONE BUT ME wore, along with other handicrafts. The back of the store, however, was a head shop! No one was in agreement on what kind of store we should have; thus the name Something Different.
Women who came into to the store thinking it offered clothing then wandered to the back, sucked in a deep breath, and scurried out as fast as possible!
One night, as we were locking up, I put my guitar in its case, clicked it closed, and set my music books on top, deciding to leave it all in the store overnight. Inner voice said, “Now they will have it all" but I didn't even realize at that time that I had an "inner voice". It was just a fleeting thought that meant little to me.
That night the store was broken into and my guitar and music books were stolen. I lost what was most valuable to me at that time, but I never thought of it as something that had left a a debilitating effect in me. I would not have known it was there if I had not felt such trepidation when LMN focused on those two words: Something Different.
Besides stopping everything I was doing, I noticed I wanted wine. I wanted sugar. I wanted anything to take me away from how I was feeling: “Something Different creates unsolvable difficulties." No wonder I like routine: stay put, don't do anything different, don't change how you live. Otherwise, the results will be catastrophic.
But then I realized there was an even stronger message about my own self: I was something different.
I always had been, no matter how much I tried not to be.When I was 16, it was said of me I was going on 80. I felt like I never fit in, no matter how hard I tried.
So the message I needed awarenss of was, "If I am something different, I attract the loss of what I value. If I attract loss, then how am I worthy, as LMN insists we all are."
This was the great freedom from today's Awareness Challenge.....I can be different and still be worthy. I can do, live, and be something different and not lose what I value.